How I Got Here and Why I May Not Stay

I’ve made many changes in my life so far. Careers, relationships, countries, mindsets… I’ve been all over the place.

I’ve been fickle – starting projects, getting excited as heck about them then abandoning not long after for example. I’ve been tired and wary – not writing prose for five years gives some insight into that. I’ve been an external validation puppy, wanting treats in the form of praise in order to feel like I’d done well.

I once saw all the above as bad things. They went on the “you’re failing” wall. With my writing for example, every agent rejection letter became a symbol of “not being good enough”.

In recent times, I see flaws, insecurities, and worries as opportunities to grow. Nothing is perfect. Not everyone will like my work. Not being friends with someone anymore isn’t always a bad thing. Being sad sometimes, doesn’t make me weak.

Most days I’m happy and I fiercely protect that positivity too. It’s one of the reasons I don’t do social media as often as I once did. It started with not wanting to be disheartened when scrolling through others’ highlight reels. You know, the grass is always greener and all that. But, the more I focus on my own life, the less this impacts.

Nowadays my lessened social media interaction is simply cause I don’t want to. I don’t have a problem with these platforms, it’s a personal choice. Doesn’t mean that choice won’t change, cause I’m allowed to change – and we’re back to the beginning…

I’ve changed many things in my lifetime so far. I expect I’ll change many other things before it’s done. Mindset – more gratitude, more joy, less worry. Careers – employee to self-employed. Relationships – toxic to non-toxic. Countries – tropical to temperate. Fiction – prose only and mainly speculative fiction, to whatever story or script I feel like writing.

There’s this idea that once you’ve labelled yourself as one thing, or made a bold choice at some point, changing is forbidden. If you write romance, you must write horror under a pseudonym or your readers will revolt. If you’re vegan, you must stay vegan. If every generation of your family lived in a place, you must continue that homegrown legacy. If you studied to be a musician and it’s your profession, you can’t possibly change your mind and become something else.

It’s a bit of a trick that idea. Society’s ideals have done a good job of sticking it to us when it comes to change. As such, the idea of change becomes so scary it’s easy not to move forward because of this fear.

I’ve been guilty of this numerous times in all areas of my life. This resulted in delaying digging in to figure out what I really wanted for my life, my mind, and external influences.

I still don’t have it all figured and that’s fine, I don’t need to. I’m still living, still growing… still changing :).


Consider reading: Why Missing Out Isn’t So Bad | What’s A Reader & Are You One? | Tale From Belgium


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