It doesn’t mean that you are allowed to pass go and can happily collect your $200. Monopoly references aside, it occurred to me over the last few months that often we believe that as long as we’ve forgiven someone, it means that they must be once again welcomed into the fold. Let me explain more thoroughly should cold, heartless er . . . “twitch” be among the names you choose to call me ^_^.
If you’ve ever read my Jackie Reveals posts or, are a regular Monday Insights reader, somewhere along the line you might have noted that my father and I don’t have a relationship. Without going into all the details (as that would take forever), let me just say that the last three years have been especially harrowing for my immediate family and his actions have been at the root. For a long time I thought it was just ‘daddy issues’ which I needed to work out, but after the latest wave of crazy, I’ve realised that some people are simply too toxic to have around. Now, he’s not here to defend himself so I’ll stop there and, as I’m someone who doesn’t like to hold grudges, I have been working on my ‘forgiveness badge’ to move past some things. This made me stop, think and ask myself the question: Would I want him in my life if he changed?
As it stands now we don’t speak at all, but what if he turned over a completely new leaf, would I want to try cultivating a relationship again? Readers, people change, so I cannot say this would never be the case, but as it stands now, even if I forgave, I wouldn’t want him in my life as a regular fixture. I know, I can hear some of you saying: “But you would have forgiven him, so what’s the problem?” The thing is though, forgiving doesn’t mean I need to be your bosom buddy. Forgiveness doesn’t mean we have to engage in long, heartfelt discussions afterwards. Forgiveness is a thing that is more for ourselves than for the other person.
Sure, in some cases forgiving someone can help them to feel better about past events, but, it’s really for us. It’s for us to let go and finally, properly move on. Lovely readers, I know it’s harder especially when a person is linked by blood or is very close to us, to realise that we need to let go after a rough run. Forgive them for their part in the relationship’s deterioration, it’s good for our souls and lives and makes room for positive progress. If you’ve decided that even after forgiving you don’t want to be close to them again, don’t feel badly, it just means you’ve made a conscious decision and have moved on. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that :).
Do you find it hard to forgive? Talk to me in the comments below :).