I’ve had two of them. Well two that were serious enough to mention. One of them was an emotional roller coaster and the other saw me travel nearly halfway around the world to be with him. How did these relationships begin? It was pretty embarrassing to admit this in the beginning, but the first was through a dating site and the other, well, we were internet pen pals who became something more. Let’s start with dating site guy (DSG).
DSG was my first serious relationship after my long-term abusive one. He was a breath of fresh air, very different from my ex, sweet, caring and best of all — miles away. I didn’t realise it at the time, but I wasn’t ready for a hands-on relationship again yet. Him being far away, though I sometimes felt as if my heart was breaking because he was, actually turned out to be a good thing. I didn’t have to worry about if he could hit me or not and that, after 4 years of worrying, was a beautiful thing. For six months it was bliss, he even came to Barbados to visit me and we had a blast — when we weren’t fighting that is. You see, I hadn’t remotely dealt with the past issues yet and they easily played into this new relationship. I used to push him, then push harder, just to see his reaction. I needed to see if he could be pushed over the edge and in so doing, figure out if deep down he really was like my ex, who’d also seemed so nice in the beginning. To cut a long story – and one I will probably tell in the future short – he went back to his country, we tried for another six months, but he’d become very depressed over some issues in his life and not physically being there, took it’s toll. We broke up.
Enter the internet pen pal (IPP). He was quite possibly the sweetest guy I’d ever known and wanted to date. We hit it off immediately and talked about all kinds of things. As I’ve mentioned somewhere in these reveals before, I’m a pretty open person, so tend not to hide who I am from others. I’m not sure if that’s what got him opening up easily as well, because I could tell he wasn’t that kind of person. IPP wasn’t the kind to tell a ‘stranger’ all about his life and ambitions, but with me, I guess something was different. I fell in love and made plans to travel to his country. Sidenote: I hadn’t been much of a romantic before, so it’s still ironic to me that after the worst relationship ever, I seemed to become one. Anyway, when I arrived in IPP’s hometown I couldn’t stop grinning and neither could he. Or, maybe it was so cold our faces were stuck like that, who knows? Either way, those days with him, getting soaked in the rain, walking and sitting in parks just because, exploring, were beautiful. I returned home and began to seriously consider moving there. We talked about it at length, then talked about it some more. Once again, so this post doesn’t go on forever, let me just say that in the end the distance, added to both of us basically living on two timezones, got to the relationship and IPP is no more.
I don’t regret DSG or IPP. They were both great guys in their own ways and helped me to move past a difficult time. Being with them showed me that my ability to love a man deeply hadn’t been tarnished because of one very bad egg.
What I learnt:
1) I wouldn’t have a long distance relationship again, unless I’d physically met the person and we’d decided that we wouldn’t be apart for more than a very short period of time.
2) Sometimes what you need isn’t always what you expect.
Have long-distance dating stories of your own? Share in the comments below :). Also, remember that all new reveals will only be available on my website, which will be unveiled very soon. Until then, continue to enjoy my real stories by searching using the keywords Jackie Reveals.