Here’s the thing, though some of it was probably lodged in trust issues, another aspect I believe had something to do with my writing. My characters have never been safe with me and when writing was my life as a teen – stopped to pursue band life somewhere in there – I figured it was so easy for bad things to happen, why couldn’t they happen to me? Whatever the case, it often caused me to be extremely concerned about what was behind door number 2, while holding a gun on door number 1. Figuratively speaking of course.
It didn’t help that I had a boyfriend who fuelled this theory later on. He was convinced that if we parked and made out too close to a bush (yes I said a bush), or at night on a beach, we’d be assaulted and killed. That sure helped to calm my already overactive imagination *rolls eyes*.
It’s ironic how we become at times, I’ll explain further. Before my bout with too much paranoia in the teabags, I was free-spirited and tried not to fear things. Most of the time I was merely pretending I wasn’t afraid, but that’s not the point, the point is I embraced living without knowing what was going to happen if I opened door number 1 or made out surrounded by bushes. I suppose the course of our lives from birth to death is filled with contradictions like these, but I digress.
Nowadays I like to say I have a healthy serving of paranoia reserved, that activates with my spidey sense. Truth is, even if my instincts don’t alert me, I seldom allow myself to miss little signs, and I’m usually very alert and observant regarding what’s happening around me. On instincts, I learnt to listen to those years ago, but regular readers know what I’ll say here — another story for another time :).
So yes, some people may say I’m still too paranoid because I’ll backtrack if I feel like someone has been following me too closely so that I can be the one behind them, carry my car keys like a defensive weapon just in case when I visit the ABM, or, because if the same car has been in my rear view for too long, I simply won’t drive home. However, I think a little paranoia is okay and that it’s good to have at least half your guard up. And, as for that last thing, about a car following — turns out one time my paranoia was right to think something was off.
What I learnt:
1) Paranoia in small doses is okay.
2) Basic instincts often know way more than we do.
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